


One Step Forward, A Hundred Steps Back

by divinelydecreed



Series: Of Rust, Dust, and Stardust [5]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Lisa-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-06-23 22:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19711237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinelydecreed/pseuds/divinelydecreed
Summary: Maybe in another life, Lisa would tell Jennie that she loves her, and Jennie wouldn't flinch. And when Lisa asks her to stay she would.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm back with another one-shot. I got the plot from a quote and this story happened. Sorry if there are typos or anything.
> 
> p.s. to some of you waiting for another update of To The Moon don't worry it'll come, I'm just really busy. I hope you guys will be patient enough to wait for it.

They’re on Lisa's bed, Jennie has her legs crossed while Lisa's head rested on Jennie's thighs. The older girl was playing with the latter's hair, twirling Lisa's blonde locks in her fingers, Lisa's reading a book about something (she can't remember what it was). Her attention just completely diverts to the way Jennie makes her feel even if she does the bare minimum, like playing with her hair or any of those cheesy things.

Then she feels Jennie stop at what she's doing and Lisa feels like this isn't gonna go well.

Out of the blue Jennie tells her the words she was never ready to hear.

"Lis, I think we need to break up."

It was a normal day, it was supposed to be. They didn't have any schedules for today, it was their day off, their rest day. Nothing was supposed to tire them, they’re supposed to have a good time. Lisa didn't expect this day to turn into heartbreak.

Lisa looks at her, she's not quite sure how to react. She never really thought about this moment. She always tried to see the positive side with Jennie, never letting the reality touch what they have and break it (even if she knew Jennie _is_ the reality). She had always tried to look at the light, that these kinds of thoughts never came by in her head, even if the light had already blinded her.

"What do you mean? Why?" Lisa asks, her voice timid and dubious, sitting up to face Jennie and wondering where did it all go wrong?

She's trying to find any legitimate reason why Jennie would do this all of a sudden. "did I do something wrong?" Lisa asks worriedly, ready to fix whatever mistake she did (she's quite not sure what it is that she did wrong, but she's willing to fix it as long as Jennie would stay.)

"We're in a group, for fuck's sake." Jennie lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing her temple as if it'll ease all her worries. "I can't risk everything we worked hard for just because of _us_ ," Jennie tells her, her hand gesturing between the two of them. Lisa feels her throat parch at her words.

Lisa knows she's really sorry, she can read it from Jennie's face.

Lisa nods, understanding the other girl. She tries to not put her feelings first, tries to understand the situation before she lets herself feel things.

"I still love you," Lisa tells her quietly, like the secret that they are.

"Even if we break things off. I still love you. Don't forget that." Lisa's clammy hands reached for Jennie's own, her voice unwavering. Squeezing it a little, assuring the latter that she meant everything she said.

She doesn't want to let go (literally and figuratively). But she needs to, _has_ to.

"I know," Jennie smiles sadly. Of course, she knows. She knows she's the only person Lisa loved this much.

Lisa tried to dismiss the fact that Jennie didn't say those words back.

Lisa really wished Jennie felt the same.

* * *

Then everything started going downhill for her and the rest of the girls. Jennie leaves their company and apparently leaves Blackpink too.

Jisoo tried her best to convince her to stay. Really tried her best to talk Jennie out of it. But the girl already made her decision.

Jennie says she's tired. says she can't do this anymore.

Jisoo isn't convinced that's the only reason, but she just stops trying and left it at that.

Jennie leaves the next morning, flying to the States from Seoul.

Jisoo cries in her sleep, Chaeyoung never left her room, while Lisa locked herself in Jennie's room. She lays on Jennie's bed, her scent was still there and Lisa thinks that's enough. It's something minimal but it's enough to fill this void inside of her that Jennie punched in her chest.

Lisa never uttered a word at everything that happened. But there's a huge part of her that really aches.

Lisa thinks Jennie's a hypocrite.

she breaks up with her because of their group, and now she leaves that exact group. She should be really mad and frustrated at her. She's supposed to hate her for making Jisoo and Chaeyoung cry. She's supposed to hate her.

but she doesn't.

Because she's still Jennie and Lisa loves her nevertheless.

* * *

It's been a few months since Jennie left. three or four months? Lisa doesn't really remember (or doesn't want to remember).

But Lisa still finds traces of her in the obscure corners of her mind as if she never left.

She wonders if Jennie's happy.

She hopes she is.

* * *

  
She wakes up and the first thing she encounters when she gets out of her bed to go the kitchen is Jisoo with her luggage in the living room, and she seems like she's ready to leave this place where they all grew up.

"Unnie... you're leaving?" Lisa asks, her voice still raspy from her sleep but the tremble of her voice is evident.

"I need to take my mind off things... especially at everything that happened," Jisoo tells her weakly. She never really intended to leave (just like Jennie), but she really needs a break.

"When will you come back?" Lisa asks again, she's itching to reach out to Jisoo, but she doesn't. She'd rather let her leave and heal, rather than stay and hurt.

"I'm not sure..." Jisoo replies, her shoulders slumping. There was a pause, Lisa feels the atmosphere change.

"I'm not sure if I'll ever return." She sincerely tells the younger girl, heart heavy all of the sudden.

Lisa understands, "It's fine. I understand." She says, keeping herself from breaking down.

"You always did." Jisoo lets out an unhumorous chuckle, it sounded more broken than it should have. "you always did understand." she engulfs the younger girl in an embrace, already missing her presence and her in general.

Lisa's body starts to shake and the tears she tries to prevent got their freedom. "if you cry more, I'll cry with you." Jisoo light-heartedly pushes Lisa off, her hand darted out and hitting the younger girl on the arm.

"You know," Jisoo starts, holding Lisa's shoulder with both of her hands and looking at her with that soft gaze she only reserved for their youngest member. "Jennie..." she hesitates to say the name, but continues anyway. "Jennie was lucky to have you." She pauses, Lisa smiles sadly. "She really did, Lisa. She could hurt you over and over and over again, but you'd always understand her."

"And you know Jennie... she's always been this complex person and it takes a few people to understand." Jisoo's heart breaks for the younger girl. "And here you are being that person. But she still left."

"she..." Lisa starts. "she has her reasons."

"see? Like what I told you, you understand." Jisoo laughs, cupping the Thai's face in her hands.

"Lisa-yah, you have always deserved better, alright?" she then kisses Lisa's forehead. "have always deserved someone better."

The older girl engulfs her in another hug, but this time tighter.

Lisa feels Jisoo's shirt getting soaked so she pulled away. "I'm sorry about that." Lisa snorts, wiping the latter's shirt with her hands as if it'll make any difference.

"It's fine." Jisoo chuckles.

"So, this is goodbye now?" Lisa questions, voice small and fragile.

"For now. But not forever." Jisoo says, a small sad smile shaping on her heart-shaped lips. "Take care, Lisa-yah. I already miss you." Jisoo ruffles the younger girl's hair, the longing feeling already clawing in her chest. "Remember what I told you. You always deserve better." Jisoo tells her once again and then she leaves their dorm, leaving Lisa standing all alone in their apartment.

Now it's all quiet and blue. The apartment was never like this.

Lisa tries to inscribed what Jisoo said to her. _You deserve someone better._ It sounded like a proverb; a proverb she really would like to just penetrate in her head and let her beliefs revolve over and over. But the thing about Lisa is she's not really the religious kind of person.

(she could forget about it tomorrow and she wouldn't even mind.)

Lisa knows she deserves someone better, but she'd always want her.

It's dumb, she knows.

* * *

Chaeyoung leaves their dorm next.

"You too?" Lisa sighs, every fiber of liveliness is being sucked out of her body.

"Lisa..." Chaeyoung starts, trying not to cry. "There's no reason to stay anymore."

"Everything's...just gone." Lisa shakes her head at her reason.

"Chaeng... I'm here." Lisa pleads.

"I need to heal, Lis." Chaeyoung explains. "And you too. You need to heal too." She utters softly, lips quivering at the defeated sight of Lisa.

"I'll be back don't worry." Chaeyoung promises, holding out her pinky finger for the latter to intertwine.

Lisa stares at Chaeyoung's finger momentarily, hesitant to interlock her best friend's deal. "I swear. I'll come back for you." Chaeyoung assures her one more time.

Lisa heaves out a heavy sigh; eyes stinging and throat dry. She interlocks her own pinky with Chaeyoung's. She's still doubtful if she'll ever come back. Or if anyone would come back at all.

"Goodbye, Lis. I love you." Chaeyoung hugs her. Lisa holds on tightly to one of the few people she has the certainty to call home.

"Ditto," Lisa mutters quietly near the latter's ear.

Lisa lets go and watches the last person that fills this void inside of her leave.

* * *

  
Lisa's the only person left in their--now hers-- dorm.

She doesn't plan on leaving sooner. The place holds too many memories for her just to leave behind. So, she stays.

She stays. Something that Jisoo and Chaeyoung, especially Jennie, can't do.

She stays because that's all she could ever do.

* * *

  
It's already been two months since everyone left.

She just came back from the dance studio, body all sweaty and exhausted. She doesn't have any shoots or anything idol related as of now (she thinks she had enough of that life). She's actually planning to enroll in a university, planning to take fine arts or anything that interests her.

She sits on the sofa, she's still not accustomed at the empty spaces. Either Chaeyoung, Jisoo, or Jennie or all of them would always be on the sofa to hang out or watch some stupid movies or just talk at all.

Lisa untangles her shoelaces, slipping the shoes off her feet. She glances at the remote of the tv momentarily, the tv has been untouched since Chaeyoung left. Chaeyoung's the only person who watches tv the most. The girl loves watching Rupaul's drag race a lot, and Lisa would always plop on the sofa beisde her and watch the show together. It wasn't really a memorable memory, but Lisa still cherishes the little things they used to do.

Because as time goes by the little things could be big things. And sometimes we miss the opportunity to see that.

She dismisses the memory of longing immediately. Lisa absentmindedly trudged inside Jennie's room, letting herself fall on Jennie's bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. Letting the silence of their dorm (she's still not used to calling it her own) engulf her body that's devoid of any emotion.

If she could only apologize to the ceiling for all the awkward and melancholic nights she stared at it, remembering all the things she should have forgotten.

Sometimes she sleeps at her room or Jennie's room, depends on her mood, really. But she mostly sleeps on Jennie's bed when nostalgia hits her.

She never touched or moved anything in Jennie's room. She leaves them the way Jennie left them ever since her departure.

Jennie might come back and get pissed at her for rearranging her things.

Yeah, Jennie might come back.

Lisa could only hope.

* * *

And Jennie did came back.

But she never planned on encountering Lisa in their old dorm playing with her cats. Jennie admits she did miss that soft smile dancing on Lisa's face as she plays with Leo and Luca.

Lisa's startled at the keys jangling outside of the door. Curious, she gets up from the floor and heads to the front door, the knob shakes and the door opens. Lisa feels her heart slam in her chest when she sees the sight of the person standing on the doorway.

"Jennie?" Lisa bemused, she feels her body becoming stiff.

"Lisa?" the latter replies back, also bewildered.

Jennie, "You're here..."

She can't believe someone stayed.

Lisa, "You're back..."

She couldn't believe anybody would come back, especially Jennie.

"What are you doing here?" Lisa asks softly, stepping aside.

Jennie trudges inside, not daring to even glance at Lisa's eyes. Afraid to look at the latter in the eye.

"I forgot something in my room..." Jennie explains. Lisa understandingly nods. "But... I didn't expect you to be here."

"well, I didn't expect _you_ to be here," Lisa replies back. "what is it exactly that you forgot in your room? is it that important?"

"It's nothing..." Jennie quietly mutters. Lisa decided not to push further.

Lisa follows Jennie inside her room. "uhm, just to let you know, I never rearranged anything." Lisa meekly fiddles with her fingers. "I mean, you might come back..." Jennie hears the yearning in Lisa's voice.

"Why'd you stay?" Jennie asks, still not meeting Lisa's eyes. She opens one of her drawers and took out a small box.

"I never had the heart to leave everything behind." Lisa answers, quite embarrassed that she can't move on from the past.

There was that emptiness in her voice Jennie was quite familiar with. She heard that tone before; heard it when she broke her heart.

"You've always stayed..." Jennie utters, her voice almost sounded like a whisper. So faint that Lisa almost didn't hear her if she wasn't paying attention, but she has always been attentive.

"Yeah...something I wish to change." Lisa laughs dryly. 

There was an awkward silence in the room that irks Lisa. She never really pictured it would end this way.

Jennie opens the box and Lisa sees a glance of polaroid pictures. Polaroid pictures of the four of them together.

"I-uhm... I need to go now." Jennie announces, her voice quiet and timid, closing the lid of the box.

"You're not gonna stay a little longer?" Lisa asks, a hint of disappointment. Leaning on the doorframe defeatedly as she stares at Jennie with a blurry sight.

"No, I have to leave tomorrow. I actually had a shoot here in Seoul yesterday and tomorrow's my flight back to New York." Jennie explains, already packing her things.

Jennie walks out of her room, quickly heading to the front door. She's almost running, running from the past that will always haunt her.

Lisa follows her like a dog on a leash.

"Bye, Lisa." Jennie tells her again. Her voice sounds so monotone, yet the meaning is black and white.

Lisa can never say goodbye to her. Never wants to say goodbye to her.

Jennie leaves and she's left standing there, facing the door once again.

* * *

Jisoo surprisingly visits her in the dorm on a Friday. As soon as Lisa opened the door she was quickly tackled in a hug by the older girl. Lisa's too startled to even decipher who's the person sucking out the air out of her but she smells the scent of the shampoo Jisoo has always used and she immediately softens.

They spend their day together watching a few movies and drinking a lot of soju, something they used to do back then. Jisoo asks her how she's doing and how she's holding up. Lisa mumbles out a reply that Jisoo couldn't quite hear, looking at the floor with blank eyes and her hands' stuff inside her sweater's pockets.

"same old, same old." Lisa tells her.

"Anything else?" Jisoo asks curiously, really wanting to know if there's something new going in Lisa's life.

Lisa doesn't tell the older girl about Jennie visiting a few days ago. Something she would like to keep to herself. She wants to keep Jennie all to herself.

It sounds selfish, but most of her life she's always been so generous. So generous in giving things away. So generous to let Jennie go. So generous to let her members leave. So generous to give her members the freedom they need to heal. So generous that she decided to stay and wallow herself in the past instead of moving forward. For once, she wanted to be selfish.

"Not really. But I've been planning to enroll in a university and take fine arts or something." Lisa says instead.

"That's good." Jisoo smiles, sincerely happy for Lisa. "You'll do good. I know you, Lisa-yah."

"I hope so." Lisa's smile is lopsided.

The smile doesn't seem to reach her eyes like they always do but Jisoo doesn't comment it. She knows Lisa is still... hurting.

Later that night Jisoo leaves, giving her a tight hug first before exiting the dorm. Also later that night Jennie facetimes her. Lisa kind of hesitates to answer it but before she could think she's already tapping the call button. Her body seemed like it has a mind of its own when it comes to Jennie.

"Hey," Jennie greets awkwardly.

"Hey. Why'd you call all of a sudden?" Lisa asks, really puzzled on why she would call in the middle of the night.

"I just wanted to see you, is all." Jennie smiles.

Lisa doesn't know if it means anything.

Lisa knows it's pathetic, but she can't help but smile. No matter how hard she tries to suppress that feeling of hope still churning in her stomach.

They talked until the sun starts to rise, while the moon starts to rise where Jennie is.

They talked about life in New York and how different brands are dying to work with her, Jennie giggles how daunting and pressuring it is for her. Lisa teases her that how could anyone resist Chanel's ambassador, Korea's _it_ girl, Jennie Kim. Jennie just laughs and shushes Lisa up.

Lisa misses her a little too much.

If only she had the guts to tell Jennie that.

* * *

  
Lisa waits for Jennie to facetime her again.

It's been a month since Jennie called her. Lisa sighs knowing the latter wouldn't call anymore.

She knows Jennie all too well.

* * *

She doesn't hear about Jennie for three months, after their last facetime with each other, things just sort of... disappeared. No calls, no texts, no video calls, no conversations, no, nothing at all.

She sort of just disappeared.

(I mean, she was never really there in the first place. But she did gave Lisa hope that she would.)

Lisa goes out for a walk at two o' clock in the morning, she should be asleep by now in this ungodly hour, but insomnia starts to hit her and there's no chance she can close her eyes and wake up with the sun greeting her from the window sill.

She enters an inconvenience store.. She looked around the small store, just letting her eyes roam around mindlessly, seeing if something ever interests her.

She buys a carton of chocolate milk and a glazed donut in the end.

She sits on the counter table near the window and starts munching on her sugary dessert. She didn't need to be on a diet for now, she's been keeping herself away from the showbiz for a while and it felt good, great rather. In the corner of her eye, she sees an image of someone very familiar to her, her head quickly whipped at the magazines and sees Jennie as a front cover of a famous fashion magazine.

She didn't hesitate and impulsively bought the magazine. She thinks it's pathetic how Jennie still has this effect on her, even if it's just a lifeless image that doesn't resemble a quarter of who Jennie truly is.

She sits on her chair and stares at the front cover for a moment, analyzing and admiring how Jennie still looks so surreal. She starts to flip through the pages, completely ignoring all the other models, her eyes only focused on the cat-eyed girl that still has her heart. The corner of her lips tugs in a small pliable smile.

It's doleful that Lisa gets to hear about her through a magazine. They were best friends before they were lovers, and it didn't really have to get this far where she only hears about her through magazines and news article, they're supposed to phone or text or facetime each other about everything for hours, like they used to do. they're supposed to know how the other person is doing, how their life is doing, is it great? Is it bad? Is it fun? Or everything in between? Lisa wants to know if Jennie's happy where she is right now.

But here they are now, they barely knew each other anymore. Lisa wants to reach out, but is Jennie willing to do the same?

She throws the magazine in the trash bin and starts walking away.

She doesn't want to bring another reminder of Jennie home.

* * *

Lisa's in her class for fine arts when she receives a text. A part of her, a huge part of her hoped it was Jennie, but she wasn't a tad bit disappointed when she saw the contact name.

_Niki: hey, I'm in Seoul right now. Are you busy? I'm planning to meet up with you and get wasted lol_

Lisa had this huge grin stuck to her face, Jisoo would probably point out that she looked like a fool and a loud teasing laugh will follow.

She puts down her pen and immediately replied.

_Lisa: I'm in my class right now but after this, I'm all yours._

_Niki: please do. I can't wait any longer. It's been a while since I've seen you : (_

_Lisa: this will finish soon, don't worry : )_

_Niki: I'll be waiting._

That foolish pliable smile never left her face.

A couple of knocks echoed inside the dorm, Lisa immediately runs to open it, revealing Niki in all her glory. She engulfed Lisa in a tight embrace causing the latter to stumble a little bit, letting herself in along the process.

"You don't know how much I've missed you." Niki whines, still not letting go of the Thai girl.

Lisa laughs and closes the door with her foot. "I missed you too."

They drank a little too much soju after. They're giggling like a bunch of high school girls and Niki's being way too clingy and touchy but Lisa didn't mind, it's probably because of the alcohol in her system.

"You know, if you and Jennie weren't together right now, I would've kissed you right here right now." The latter blurted out, her body's intoxicated with alcohol that she's already blurting out quiet sober thoughts.

Lisa flinched, she's not sure if it's because of the confession or at the mention of Jennie's name. "I-uhm, we're not together anymore for quite some time now." Lisa says, her voice low and timid. She quickly takes a big swig of the alcohol. Maybe it could help her swallow the truth better without tears stinging her eyes.

"Oh," Lisa hears Niki chirp out. Eyes wide, and mouth agape.

"Yeah..."

"I've missed a lot." Niki chuckles light-heartedly, taking a sip of alcohol.

"It's been a while since we broke things off. I just... I never wanted to really talk about it." Lisa tells the latter, staring at the floor, Lisa thinks it'll always hurt every time she's reminded of that day Jennie just... gave up.

Then they find themselves in Lisa's room, completely uninhibited and intoxicated at 2 am.

She kind of forgets about Jennie when Niki takes her in.

She wishes she could just forget about _her_ completely.

* * *

Lisa used to stay up just to outline Jennie's sleeping skin, the quiet walls knows this.

Now, she does it with a different person but her fingers moved on their own tracing the shape of Jennie's face in the back of her head.

She memorized her all too well.

She shouldn't have.

* * *

Niki leaves on the second day and Jennie unexpectedly arrives on the third day.

It's a roller coaster of emotions. The other day she's trying to forget about her and now she's here in Lisa's apartment filling all the gaps she left in Lisa's life.

Lisa's on her bed, having a dulcet sleep she much needed until her doorbell became an alarm clock that pulls her out of her slumber at 6 in the morning.

"who the fuck would visit me this early?" Lisa groans, standing up from bed, not even bothering to go to the bathroom and wash her face or look at the mirror to fix her tousled and tangled hair that made her look like the leader of a pride.

She dragged her feet lazily to the front door, silently muttering out inaudible curses and running an annoyed hand on her face every ten seconds. Once she got there, her fingers idly curled around the knob and pulled the door open and the sight promptly awakened her.

There stood, outside the dorm, was Jennie with a single luggage clutched on her hand. There wasn't an ounce of make-up painted on her face, the bags under her eyes were visible, and her eyes looked so tired and drained, but her smile, oh god her smile, her smile makes up for all of it. 

Lisa thinks she's close to perfect.

"hey you," Lisa quietly blurts out, still starstruck.

"hey," Jennie shyly replies, followed by a small wave that Lisa finds adorable. "can I come inside?"

Lisa nods dumbly and quickly steps aside, Jennie walks inside their dorm, Lisa noticed that Jennie was still timid and tense as she sits on the sofa.

Lisa sits beside her, a little distance separating the two friends or ex-lovers.

"not that I want you here or anything," Lisa really wanted her to be here, she'd been unconsciously waiting for her to come back. "but why? Do you have any shoots in Korea?"

"I don't. I just missed you that's all." Jennie answers.

"r-really?" Lisa's not sure if her mind's playing tricks on her.

"yeah... it's been a while you know." the latter shrugs. "anyway, I brought a little something for you." Jennie purses her lips, trying to hide the growing smile on her face. She unzips her luggage and pulls out a small red box.

Lisa carefully took it, her clammy hands gently opening the box Jennie gave her, it revealed a necklace with a camera design on it.

"wow, this is beautiful." Lisa heaves out a breath of amazement.

"actually it was a gift from Chanel, but it reminded me of you."

Lisa's glad that the thought of her still passes by in Jennie's mind.

Jennie took her to afriendly date-- Jennie assured it was-- the day after. As they're walking towards the elevator Jennie naturally loops her arm with Lisa's and lays her head on her shoulder, her eyes smiling along with her lips. Jennie had always done this every time it was just the two of them, back then it was always them, until the other left.

"so, where are we going to go?" Lisa asks.

"anywhere our legs will take us." Jennie nonchalantly replies.

"do you have any food chains in mind?" Lisa asks again.

"any food that would catch our attention." Jennie shrugs and a chuckle follows. Her hot breath tickling Lisa's neck causing her to laugh along with Jennie.

They've been into different kinds of food chains in a span of an hour and they've been walking around Hongdae for god knows how long. Lisa feels her feet aching, it's been a while since she walked this long, but she doesn't mind since Jennie is with her while their hands were intertwined, just like the good old days when they were together.

She never expected Jennie to come home, especially for her. Sometimes she thinks she's gone forever, communication was an unfamiliar word in their vocabulary. But then she comes back and completely takes over Lisa's life once again like a storm that comes and goes, Jennie washing away and deteriorating every grudge and resentment Lisa quietly kept inside. She even washed away the thought of Niki.

Jennie talks about how life has been in New York, she tells Lisa how it was really a city that never sleeps, she also talks about her experiences in modeling for different famous brands and meeting different professionals in the fashion field, she says it still made her anxious conversing with the masters even if she was called 'Asia's princess'. She also talked about different friends she made throughout her stay in New York, she tells Lisa how they were all wonderful, and she also talks about the weather in New York, oh how she hates the winter but it'd be great to have a cuddle buddy in that season.

Lisa barely remembered half of the talk that came out of Jennie's mouth, there were too many experiences in a span of a year. Lisa could care less if the topic interested her or not, or if she understood the topic or not, what's important is that Jennie's here, and she's here for her.

"so, you really came here because of me?" Lisa asked, she's serious this time. 

"yeah..."

"Have you visited Jisoo and Chaeng?" Lisa asks, glancing at the side of Jennie's face. She noticed Jennie's hold became stiff.

"I haven't... I feel like they still hate me."

"How'd you know? You're our Jennie I don't think they hate you."

"I just...know." Jennie purses her lips. "I really never wanted to come back here. Because this place holds too many memories, happy or not, they still make me sad and guilty."

"what made you really come back?" Lisa asks once again, hesitance still lingers.

"You." Jennie answers, voice full of certainty, Lisa thinks it's too good to be true. "You're the only reason why I come back."

Jennie only stayed for three days, it was already her flight the fourth day.

"Hey, remember me will ya?" Lisa hides the tremble of her voice with a laugh, there's a feeling that Jennie will forget about her eventually but still she hopes she doesn't.

"I won't remember anything else." Jennie tells her.

Jennie kisses the side of her mouth, letting it linger there for a few seconds before she pulls away.

She wants to tell Jennie that she loves her still.

She didn't.

Then she leaves once again.

* * *

Lisa's quite shocked to see Jennie's name on her caller ID. It's been a week since she left.

"Hey, you remembered." Lisa says through the phone, her lips tugging into a smile.

"I told you I won't remember anything else." Jennie cockily replies, Lisa can picture her gummy smile even if she can't see her.

She glances at her clock and remembers that it's like 2:00 or 3:00 AM in New York. "isn't it like 3 in the morning there? why did you suddenly called?"

"yeah, it is. I'm homesick and... you're the first and only thing that came to mind." Jennie replies, then the line suddenly became quiet, her breathing was the only thing Lisa could hear.

Jennie's not supposed to say these things. It only builds her hopes up and she'll inevitably be a skyscraper that'll crumble and fall. Lisa thinks Jennie would be a bad architect.

* * *

Niki and her became a thing, two months after Jennie's visit.

She likes her, she really does, her feelings are real and she doesn't treat Niki like a rebound, but there's one thing she's sure of. She can never be in love with her the same way she is with Jennie. She only had one heart and someone's already holding it, no matter how clumsy and shaky Jennie's hands are. Her heart? it has always been hers to keep.

Niki flies to Korea, Lisa didn't know about this, it was supposed to be a surprise.

The doorbell kept ringing and she should feel bad that she's wishing it was Jennie outside of her door.

She wasn't disappointed or overjoyed when it was Niki. She's just glad that she's here.

Niki stayed for about a week, Jennie calls on the seventh day.

"Hey, you called again." Lisa smiles.

"I didn't know you have somebody..." Lisa noticed a shift in Jennie's tone, she wasn't mad or anything, but she did hear a crack somewhere along the lines.

"huh?" Lisa foolishly chirps out.

"I called yesterday, a different person answered, and I just knew."

"I was planning to tell you..."Lisa's voice trailed off.

"anyways," Jennie's voice quickly changed into a cheerful one, Lisa knows it's fake. "I'm happy for you." Lisa noticed the discreet tremble in her voice.

The call lasted for about three minutes, it was just small talks then Jennie had to say goodbye for she has an errand to go to.

Jennie never called again.

* * *

Jennie then comes back on the first week of December.

Lisa didn't expect her, though. After her last call, Lisa expected her to just disappear again.

They drink hot chocolate, Lisa's favorite, laugh and giggle at silly stories, new and old ones, they randomly tease each other and Jennie would pinch her on the side and Lisa will flinch because it tickles her and Jennie will do it again and again and again until Lisa can't breathe because she's laughing too much, and they stroll around the streets with their warm coats and Jennie still clings to Lisa, and Lisa likes it because Jennie adds more warmth and because Jennie's hugging her.

It was fun, everything was perfect until Jennie became really quiet and Lisa just knew she's itching to ask something.

"Hey, what's up?" Lisa whispers.

"I want to meet her." Jennie states, it sounded too heavy for Jennie to say.

And Lisa won't, can't, reply. She never wanted to talk about Niki, she's the only thing Lisa could actually say that's hers, the only thing she only knows about.

And she never wanted to share about her to Jennie, she doesn't know why though, maybe because she feels like she'll hurt her if she ever did.

"someday," Lisa replies.

Jennie nods, but she's kinda glad that Lisa sort of hesitates. If she's being honest, she doesn't want to meet the girl, asking to meet her is asking for pain but Lisa seems happy and that's all she's wanted, she just wants to affirm that the other could certainly take care of the most important person in her life— Lisa, something she failed to do.

"Why can't you just leave this place?" Jennie asks.

"That's easy for you to say..." Lisa unintentionally scoffs.

There was a pregnant pause.

"It's so easy for you to leave," She looks at Jennie with clouded eyes. "I don't know how you do it."

Jennie inevitably leaves again the day after.

Lisa hates that Jennie will never be permanent, but most things are—like the devastating and inevitable heartbreak she feels every time Jennie leaves.

* * *

Lisa breaks it off with Niki on the phone.

"I kinda saw this coming," The latter laughs unhumorously, trying to lighten up the mood.

"I'm sorry..." Lisa apologizes sincerely.

"it's fine. Jennie _is_ that ex, ya know?" Niki sighs. "but you made me happy, really happy, you tried your best it just didn't work out. And sometimes things are like that."

"You made me happy too."

"Thank you, Lisa. Really."

"Thank you too."

It doesn't hurt that much, but that doesn't mean she's fine with it.

* * *

Lisa gets her bachelor's degree in fine arts. Her whole family was there, the whole family means her parents, Jisoo, and Chaeyoung. Her mom was hugging her dad while crying on his shoulder, her dad was brimming with pride, she catches him wiping a few happy tears from his eyes, then Jisoo was screaming and jumping enthusiastically, while Chaeyoung holds up a banner for her and waving it side to side.

Lisa laughs at the different reactions they made, but she mostly laughs at Jisoo for embarrassing herself in front of many people.

It was amazing seeing all of them, but there was one particular person in her mind, a missing piece, Jennie.

She remembers the way the older girl stared at her with stardust in her eyes whenever she does all the things she's passionate about.

She wishes she could be there. It's a prosaic wish, but if the universe decides to grant it, it would really mean a lot.

* * *

Lisa's phone dings, her eyes are already getting heavy after the dinner and celebration with her parents, Jisoo, and Chaeyoung.

She takes the device under her pillow and sees Jennie's text message.

_Hey, sorry I wasn't there with you. But I promise I'll visit._

And excitement just overflows in her insides, she's not supposed to feel this way.

* * *

Jennie came knocking on her door a week after she got her degree. Her door revealed Jennie holding a white cartolina that says 'Congratulations Lisa!' with cute designs and stickers on it, Lisa smiles at the effort Jennie has exerted into making the banner.

She didn't say anything and just engulfed the older girl into a tight hug. She notices that Jennie still uses the same shampoo and the same perfume.

"so, what do you want to do?" Jennie pulls away from the hug, staring at Lisa with bliss in her eyes.

"I actually just want to watch movies here with you while we drink whatever alcohol you like." Lisa replies.

And Jennie shows her gummy smiles and hugs Lisa again, never letting her go as she walks inside their dorm.

And they ended up watching My Neighbor Totoro after fighting over what movie to watch for thirty minutes. A bottle of gin and an empty gallon of ice cream on the coffee table.

Jennie has her head resting on Lisa's thigs while Lisa plays with Jennie's hair.

"Hey, I haven't got to meet Niki." Jennie sits up and cutely pouts at Lisa, she pouts when she doesn't get what she wanted, but Lisa figures she never wanted to meet Niki.

"how are you two?" the older girl wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"We're not together anymore."

"oh..." Jennie covers her mouth. "I'm sorry," she whispers and caressed Lisa's arm empathetically.

"it's fine, it wasn't a bad breakup." Lisa shrugs nonchalantly.

"why'd you two break up?"

"it wasn't working anymore. And..." Lisa hesitates to say the real reason. "because of you."

Jennie didn't say another word anymore, she just knew.

* * *

This was not supposed to happen.

They lay on Lisa bed, wrapped extremely tightly in each other's embrace, legs are a tangled mess. Lisa's not sure where Jennie ended and where she, herself, began. Jennie has her face buried in the crook of her neck, her chin resting on top the crown of Jennie's head, but Lisa couldn't help but revel Jennie's scent. Longing and melancholy clung to them the way a child clings to their mothers.

She hates how every time Jennie's here it always feels like the last time.

She knows Jennie is still awake. She could feel her lashes fluttering. So, she says the word she will always mean.

"I love you. I never stopped."

She feels Jennie flinch at the words. She remains quiet, Lisa feels her become stiff and tense, it's not like she's aiming a gun on her head, threatening her to say those words back, she just wants her to know that she'd always choose her amidst of all the countless of times Jennie never did. That's how much she loves her.

Jennie never replied.

She wakes up and she couldn't feel her presence anymore.

She left once again.

Like the ghost she's always been.

Jennie has always been good at leaving. While Lisa has always been good at waiting. They're parallel lines; always near but never really had the chance to touch each other.

Lisa should've known to never hug the rain, you'd only end up getting soaked and all by yourself.

* * *

It's been eight months since that night.

Everything came by so fast and so slowly, Lisa cannot decide between the two, sometimes the hands of the clock would barely move and sometimes the sun was already rising before she could even blink.

Time was a misconceived subject, a misconstrued matter, when the only thing that encompasses Lisa's head was the memory of Jennie's delineation.

Everything is still a little... too messed up. 

Lisa sees a picture of Jennie at the Eiffel Tower in Paris. She's smiling, like _really_ smiling. She used to be the only one that could only make Jennie smile like that.

And from then on, Lisa just knew.

* * *

  
And Jennie was standing at her doorstep again.

She lets her in.

She always does.

"You're here," Lisa prolongs. Every time Jennie comes back she would still get awestruck, like it's the first time she sees her. Jennie always seemed like a mirage, a miracle, an extremely unusual event. "Again." She whispers, Jennie smiles at that.

"Why do you always look surprised every time I come back?" The model asks, chuckling in the process, finding it adorable and heart-warming that Lisa will always be enticed by her.

Lisa takes Jennie's bag inside willingly, closing the door with her foot once Jennie stepped foot inside of her humble abode. "Because..." Lisa pauses, staring at the girl that still has her heart, releasing a breath of amazement, then Lisa let's out a light chortle. "You're Jennie. Nothing stops you from leaving." Nothing wasn't funny, and Lisa wonders why the hell she just laughed, it's been years and the same dagger pierces Lisa's heart every time the latter inevitably leaves her. Maybe she had already normalized the pain that all she can do is laugh at the situation rather than sulk for her, sulking never really gave her comfort, and sometimes humans tend to do contradicting things.

Jennie purses her lips and looks down at the ground. It's the truth, but the guilt always eats her every time. she wonders what she exactly did so great in her past life that the universe gave someone as understanding and comforting as Lisa when all she ever did was break her heart every time she steps out of the younger girl's life again and again.

It wasn't fair, she damn well knew it's not fair. maybe this is it, maybe this moment is the end of her departure.

_9:07 p.m_

Jennie looks at the time on her phone, closing it quickly once she caught the glimpse of numbers.

They're both at the balcony, drinking alcohol and eating anything that's unhealthy (Jennie's actually on a diet since she has a photoshoot next week, but fuck it, it's Lisa and she really can't resist her no matter how many times she tries to). Jennie lays on the blue bean bag beside the latter, while Lisa has her feet up on the railing, they're laughing at the funny story the younger girl had experienced recently.

"Did you really pushed Chaeyoung too hard that she literally flew off the swing?" Jennie's laughing a little bit too much that the alcohol almost squirted out of her nose.

"Yeah," Lisa nods her head, laughter keeps erupting from the two. "She looked like a chicken attempting to fly."

"Gosh, if only I could see that in real life." Jennie sighs longingly, letting her back fall on the bean bag.

"Why not?"

"I still haven't talked to them..." Jennie trails off, it's obvious that she doesn't want to talk about that. Laughter slowly dies down. It's been almost three years since the group disappeared, Lisa wonders how Jennie got to bear all those times not talking to Jisoo and Chaeyoung.

Lisa understands and didn't pry any further.

Lisa sucks in a breath, a deep one, Jennie knew this is Lisa's mannerism when she wants to voice something out but has a hard time to do so since words tangle in her mouth.

Jennie remembers the day when Lisa confessed, the younger girl was so nervous that Jennie found it adorable.

Jennie shakes off the thought, she shouldn't be thinking about that right now.

"You're engaged..." Lisa's voice trails off, looking away from the latter. And fuck, it shouldn't hurt this bad.

Jennie doesn't speak. Diverting her eyes on her hands resting on her stomach, wringing the beautiful ring her fiancé gave her.

"I'm not surprised, actually, I've expected it. You never told me about someone. But I just knew..." Lisa inhales and exhales deeply, holding herself together, trying so hard not to breakdown and maybe beg Jennie to leave him.

"How?" Jennie asks, her voice is small. Feeling like if she raises her voice an octave higher Lisa would break apart.

"I kinda saw him in your smile."

There are days where Lisa's mouth wants to turn into a rifle and just hurt Jennie with her words just for once, just for once for all the times she had smothered her with black powder. Jennie has been a war inside Lisa's mind for quite long, and she's just tired of all the gun smoke and the destruction that lingers because of her.

What did he do for Jennie to say yes? What is it that he has to have that chance with Jennie in marriage? Where did she go wrong? For all Lisa could remember was she had been so fucking good to her, she treated Jennie like she was the only oxygen molecule inside a gas chamber.

There are all these things Lisa wanted to say to Jennie, but she says this:

"I hope he makes you happy." A thin trembling smile formed on her face. "You deserve happiness, Kim."

"Lisa..."

Lisa shushes her up by kissing Jennie's forehead, letting it linger there for a good few seconds. Jennie's hands grabbed her waist, feeling her grasp become a little tight. It seems as if she doesn't want to let go.

Lisa lets go and returns to her sit. "When are you going back to New York?"

"Tomorrow..." Jennie replies.

"Can we stay here just a little while longer?" Lisa asks, her voice soft. She stares at Jennie, her eyes begging for the latter to say yes.

Jennie nods.

So, they sat together under a canopy of shooting stars. Lisa's hand reaching out for Jennie's, weaving her fingers with latter.

The only wish Lisa asked the cosmos is to hold Jennie's hands a little bit longer.

* * *

  
Tomorrow came in a blink of an eye.

They were the big bang once, they started from nothing to feelings, birth of two indecisive and vulnerable youths' universe, that began expanding all at once until it took over their own system, inhabiting them even in the most prosaic ways. But explosions happened, expansions happened, stretching out and distancing them in the most crucial way possible until they got lost in this big void they, themselves, created.

Now, Jennie's standing near her doorway, hand clutched on the doorknob, ready to open it in a matter of seconds and leave once again for the umpteenth time until the whiff of Jennie's perfume is the only thing palpable in Lisa's senses. Now, all this is, is what's left of their afterglow.

Jennie didn't bid goodbye, nor did Lisa, but the silence spoke, her silence spoke, it spoke of her love that Lisa thinks was no longer there, a love that omitted somewhere along with the explosions, and Lisa knew there was nothing that could fill that abyss.

She didn't know when or where did Jennie became the black hole.

Jennie has always been black and white, but this time she's gray.

* * *

And the dorm feels dull again. Like all the colors have been sucked out of every corner of the room once Jennie left.

Lisa lays on the sofa, her feet on the coffee table, her head on the headrest of the sofa, staring blankly at the ceiling.

The room was quiet, only the sound of Lisa's breathing can only be heard.

collected thoughts of a lifetime with Jennie reducing into ooze, heart overflowing with sweetened false hopes and broken promises, now Lisa's insides rot.

She didn't cry, her tears have had been in a drought a long time ago. But the sadness coiled around her neck like a boa constrictor.

Overload emotions emerging all at once, possibly for the last time. Because the only person she loved so much is already getting married to a stranger.

Lisa thinks how great it would be to be able to turn back time. She will rewind all the way back to the time she first met her. Instead of staying she would gladly choose to walk away. And maybe that would hurt less, to remember Jennie as a stranger than someone she _loved—_ and still do—so much.

Maybe in another life, Lisa would tell Jennie that she loves her, and Jennie wouldn't flinch. And when Lisa asks her to stay she would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After almost three years of absence and separation, Jennie coming back to her life wasn't exactly what Lisa was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, uhm, so I’m back (sort of). This chapter had been planned out after I posted the first chapter of this story, and I’m sorry it took me a long time to finish this chapter, you know, life’s been busy. But anyway, this chapter is not all angst, it’s more a closure kind of chapter that leads to a happy ending. There may be loopholes but the focus of this chapter is the closure that you didn’t get in the first chapter.
> 
> And I think I won’t be posting new chapters for To The Moon. I’ve been busy with school and chasing my passion as of now, that most of the time I’m too tired to write. But if I’m motivated to write again then I’d write but it would probably take a long time, so you guys have to be very very patient with me lol. 
> 
> P.S. I missed y’all
> 
> P.P.S. listen to Two by Sleeping At Last so y’all could be really deep in your feelings lmao

Two years later and a call from her wasn't exactly something Lisa was anticipating.

After all those thirty months, Jennie became a ghost of the past. An apparition that only lingers for a quick second then it's gone.

She was busy packing most of her things, stuffing different important and relevant objects inside a dozen of boxes in different sizes. She's about to move to a new place three days later and she should have arranged and packed her things a little bit earlier instead of cramming, but she was too invested in painting this new piece for her upcoming art exhibit in a few weeks.

Moving to a new place felt so bizarre, something about it makes her eerie. There's nothing wrong about the new apartment she bought, it wasn't haunted per se, it's just that leaving this dorm where she basically spent most of her life and made too many memories—far too many— feels like a betrayal of some sort, it feels like leaving something you shouldn't have in the first place, but she knows it's time to move on and to let go and start anew.

It's time for her to completely heal from the past. Jisoo and Chaeyoung already did, maybe it was time for her too.

Her phone kept ringing and ringing, getting all of her attention causing her to drop the paintbrushes in her hand, she pushes the box for her art materials a couple of inches away so she could stand up. A big annoyed sigh escaped from her lips as she walked towards the sofa where her device is situated.

She fishes out her phone in the corner of the sofa, tapping the call button without looking at the contact name, which she should've done before hearing that dulcet melody that has always enticed her in every way.

"Hi...Lis." Jennie's voice echoes through the phone.

Lisa was quite shocked to even utter a reply. It's been quite too long ever since she heard her. She kind of forgot what she even sounded like.

"Lis, you still there? I can still hear you breathing." The latter lightly chuckles.

"Hey, Jennie..." Lisa finally let out. Her voice wavering, she doesn't know why she's nervous. "It's been a while."

"Yeah..." Jennie hums and a pause follows. "I-I've been wanting to tell you this." Jennie sucks in a deep breath.

"Hm?"

"I'm gonna be married a month later... and I'd l-love it if you'd be able to come," Jennie says.

Lisa became silent again.

"Lis?" Jennie calls out for her again.

"Oh... t-that's great, I guess." She stammers, bitterness is still evident in her voice. She facepalms herself at her dumb reply.

"I'll deliver your invitation next week." Jennie tells her.

"I'll be moving out next week." Lisa declares, drawing idle patterns on the soft material of the sofa, she just had to do something with her hands to keep her entertained, the image of Jennie getting married to a stranger makes her feel uneasy.

"Oh, can you text me the address of your new home after? Please?" Of course, Lisa would say yes, she has a soft spot for Jennie using that sweet voice of hers.

"Sure."

"Can you promise me you'd be here?" Jennie asks, almost begs.

"I-" Lisa suddenly closes her lips, shutting herself up, she's not sure if she even wants to attend.

"I want you by my side."

Lisa sighs, massaging the bridge of her nose hoping it would ease her. "Maybe I could. But I'm not promising anything."

"Sure. That'd be okay too. I understand you have your own schedules and such and I don't wanna be a bother or anything like that. It's just that you being by my side at this moment in my life would make me feel at ease but it's fine if-"

Lisa cuts off Jennie's ramble, "Jennie... breathe."

"Okay, okay." Jennie whispers.

"I-I want to go, for you. I'm just not sure." Lisa says, staring blankly at the wall.

"Not sure of what?"

_I'm not sure if I can handle watching you marry someone else._ Lisa answers inwardly.

There was a deafening silence through the line.

"Nevermind, don't answer that." Jennie says as if she read the latter's mind.

Lisa hates that it'll always sting, no matter how long it has been, sometimes time doesn't heal all wounds, it only buries them but it'll eventually be dug up.

"Hey," Jennie's voice emits the silence that occurred. "I'll be waiting. Even if you're not sure. I'll be waiting for you."

It looks like she's not the only one who knows how to wait.

Lisa hums a response and hangs up. Tossing her phone back to the sofa and sitting on the floor again to continue arranging her art materials.

As she lets out a frustrated sigh, she drops a couple of paint on the ground then covers her face with her hands. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, calming this boiling feeling inside of her. It wasn't supposed to taste bitter, fuck, it's been five years since Jennie and her broke it off (Jennie mostly did the breaking) and Jennie still has this control over her and she wishes she could just fucking stop.

Anger seeps through her skin, causing her to impulsively kick the box of her art materials, a few paintbrushes, paints, and canvases flew out.

Her whole body exasperatedly drops to the floor, feeling a little ache in her back because of the force. She looks at the ceiling once again, eyebrows creasing as she tries to process that Jennie, her Jennie, is getting married.

It's been two years since she left, two years since Lisa forgot about her ( _tried to forget about her),_ the thought of the girl was locked somewhere in the deepest corner of her mind, but then she called and her walls came crashing down once again.

She's not supposed to feel this way anymore.

* * *

She received the wedding invitation the same day she moved to her new apartment.

She stares at the envelope for quite some time now since it first arrived, her eyebrows are creased as she intensely looks at it. it felt too scary to open, something about it could destroy a city, create a war, or maybe it's toxic.

Before she could even notice, the letter was already in the dump. Leaving it there to rot.

And the next thing she knew a wine she had in store for a few months was already in her hands, gulping its content as if its water.

Maybe this could put her at ease or something.

* * *

  
And it's been a while since insomnia last visited her.

Lisa stays awake, eyes wide open and incapable of sleeping a blink, and the memories she kept locked for a long time starts to curdle her mind like spoiled milk.

She paradoxically remembers that night when Jennie promised her forever. They were in Thailand she was turning 20 at that time, and Lisa only realizes that she was young, too young to understand what it meant to fall in love and the consequences it would bring. Jennie tells her that they'd stay the way they are forever, and that she'll love her forever, and Lisa believed her.

And that was her mistake.

Jennie promised her forever, but she shouldn't have.

For it is something we, humans, cannot give.

* * *

Days go by as quickly as the tick of the clock.

It's just a week before Jennie's wedding happens.

And the unbearable keeps getting closer, and Lisa wonders if she'll ever survive that thought. Just the thought of Jennie holding hands with another already stings, then what would it feel like if she gets married? _Maybe it'd feel like dying_. She quickly shook those thoughts away, dusting them off as if it was dirt. She shouldn't be thinking about that anymore.

Then a knock on her door echoes inside her new apartment. She hasn't told Jisoo or Chaeyoung her new address yet, who would even visit her at 8 p.m? She curses inwardly at the visitor outside for interrupting her painting session.

She opens the door and it felt like that time when she visited her almost five years ago.

Jennie's standing on her doorway. Almost three years without anything that could maintain their relationship, almost three years of nothing.

She kind of forgot what she looked like, forgot how she still looks as stunning and as beautiful as ever.

Lisa gazes at her luggage and she's pretty sure Jennie wouldn't stay for a night or two.

"can I come in?" Jennie asks, her voice is so quiet that Lisa almost didn't recognize her.

and the only thing Lisa could do at this moment is to grab half of Jennie's luggage and gestures her to come inside.

* * *

  
When they're inside the first thing that Lisa says to her after two years of absence is, "it's been a while."

_Two years and seven months,_ _to be exact._ Not like Lisa's counting the days, but every time she looks at the calendar and sees that a month has passed it quickly registers in her brain and adds to the time where Jennie left.

"Yeah..." Jennie says, not really knowing what she could and could not say to Lisa. it's been two fucking years, hell, a _lot_ of things probably changed.

After years of separation, leaving unspoken feelings and unfinished conversations, they just stand in the room letting the silence swallow them whole as if the vast interval between them was not enough.

"I'll get you some water." Lisa says, breaking the silence that engulfed them. She leaves Jennie in the living room to go to the kitchen. She's finding an excuse to privately process what's happening in front of her.

And when she comes back Jennie's now sitting on the couch as she stares at the wall blankly.

Lisa slowly and carefully walks up to her, her steps are so gentle as if she's walking on fissured ice that's about to collapse in any second. She puts down the glass of water on the coffee table, that motion causes Jennie to snap back in reality.

Lisa sits on a lone chair that's across from Jennie. Her gaze roaming around, while her lips are pursed still not knowing what to say.

This is gonna be their first face-to-face conversation after almost three years and none of them knew where to start, after all, they abandoned a lot of conversations before, and this shouldn't be anything new.

Jennie kind of hates that this is the first opportunity for them to talk again. I mean, there were a few opportunities back then but when she texted Lisa that they should grab a cup of coffee last year when she was in Seoul the younger girl never replied back, and it occurred to Jennie that maybe it was Lisa's way of moving on and never looking back again. It did hurt (quite a lot, actually), but she knew the girl deserved it so she had to accept the way things are.

She drains her glass first and sets in on the table before she finally looks at Lisa. She looks like she might start crying, and that wasn't really far from the truth.

"You're here..." Lisa mumbles, and Jennie notices the surprised tone in her voice. Was she really that good at leaving? _Maybe I always was,_ she tells herself and a sigh comes out of her lips.

"Why?" Lisa asks.

"I..." Jennie hesitates to tell the truth. "I had nowhere else to go."

When she comes back to Korea, Lisa had _always_ been the first thing she could ever think of, even before her other close friends and the family she barely sees. Even after the separation and absence they endured, and even if Jennie has, _had,_ someone new, it was still Lisa that comes first in her mind when she thinks of home.

"That doesn't really answer my question, Jennie." Lisa let out a frustrated sigh.

Jennie stays silent for a while, hearing Lisa's scoff made her feel like a child getting scolded by her mother.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbles, which Lisa barely hears because of how quiet her voice is. "Maybe I shouldn't have..." Jennie says, immediately standing up from her seat and grabbing her luggage.

Lisa impulsively jumps from her seat and blocks Jennie's way out. She still hates that she can't resist Jennie leaving, that scene still hurts more than it should. She hates that she still can't resist Jennie.

"No...don't leave," Lisa says, grabbing Jennie's luggage and returning it back to its position earlier. This is the first time Lisa had the guts to keep her from leaving.

"I didn't mean to sound mad or anything... I was just confused. What are you doing here?" Lisa asks again, this time softly. She still doesn't know why the hell Jennie would be here when she has a wedding in a few days.

"I mean, you're getting married, for god's sake." Lisa reminds her.

Jennie completely forgot about that thought. "Oh, about that..." her voice falters.

"You can tell me, Jen. It's okay." Lisa's voice had always been soft in her ears.

Lisa knows Jennie is nervous, and whenever Jennie gets nervous she has this tendency to break down, and Lisa knows her too well that to make her calm is to never pressure her to speak up if she's not ready.

"The wedding's not happening...it's canceled." Jennie answers, heaving out a heavy sigh that's been weighing her down. "C-can we not talk about it? I p-promise I'll explain everything, I'm just tired and a lot of things is fucking up my head-"

"Jen, breathe." Lisa cuts her off, her hand immediately darts out to give Jennie a comforting touch but she immediately withdraws it when she remembers their current status. Lisa doesn't really know where she stands anymore.

"Why don't you get some rest." Lisa states more than ask. "My room's over there." Lisa points out at the first door in the hallway. "We'll just fix your stuff tomorrow." She grabs Jennie's luggage, compiling it on the corner of the room.

"Lisa..." the mention of her name rolls naturally off of Jennie's tongue.

Lisa turns her head at the latter's direction. "Hm?" She hums curiously. Before she could ask Jennie if there is anything she wants, the older girl cuts her off by wrapping her arms around her, catching her off-guard. It's been a little too long since she last experienced Jennie's touch, and she hates to admit that a part of her, a _huge_ part of her, still misses this.

"Thank you, Lisa." Jennie murmurs as she tightens her hug, her face almost nuzzling Lisa's neck. She's not sure if she's thanking Lisa for letting her stay or for everything the girl had ever done to her, maybe it's a little bit of both.

"It's okay, Ni." Lisa tells her, giving her a small smile. She pulls away from the hug and tells Jennie goodnight.

Jennie reciprocates the smile, "goodnight." She says and she makes her way toward Lisa's bedroom.

Once the girl was gone in her sight, Lisa falls on the sofa and drew a heavy sigh she's been holding ever since Jennie arrived. Lisa feels like the older girl would be staying for quite some time, and she's not sure if whether she'd be happy with that assumption.

Nevertheless, after a long time, she kind of hears her heart beat again for the first time in a while.

* * *

  
Jennie wakes up a little early than what she had expected after all the jet lag she has. The sun beaming through the curtains partially blinds her eyes. She gets up and stretches out her still sore arms and back, she wipes off the sleep in her eyes and tames her lion-like morning hair with a brush.

She then hears music outside of the room, guitar riffs and Freddie Mercury's voice started echoing in her ears. She figured that Lisa's music taste might have changed over the past few years.

She exits Lisa's room and walks toward where the kitchen is. She sees Lisa in her pajamas, her back facing her and she's happily grooving with the beat. Jennie wonders if Lisa still continues her dancing, or she has been completely engulfed by painting.

She enters the room causing Lisa to turn her head in her direction. The taller girl gives her a warm smile, the first smile she sees since she showed up unannounced, and tells her "good morning". Jennie likes it that Lisa seemed so calm and doesn't look that affected that she's here in her new apartment despite the history they have with each other.

"Was the sleep okay?" Lisa asks as she diverts her attention back to what she's cooking.

"Yeah, it helped. Sort of." Jennie replies, taking a seat on the chair in front of the dining table.

"That's good to hear then. By the way, I'm making your favorite." Lisa says full of certainty, as if nothing has changed in Jennie's preference over the course of many years. And Jennie likes this a little too much, it feels like everything's normal, like no one got hurt, like no fingerprints of regrets were visible in each other's heart, and it feels like they are still together, as if no breaking and tearing of each other's heart happened.

"And Kimchi fried rice is the first thing I mastered cooking. But I swear I'm trying my best to cook, I'm still learning." Lisa justifies and Jennie finds it adorable.

After a few minutes, Lisa turned off the stove and prepares the meal. She gives a plate of kimchi fried rice for Jennie and to herself, then she finally takes a seat across from the latter.

Lisa starts munching on her food while Jennie just watches her.

She's too good for her, far too good for her. And she hates herself for breaking this girl's heart and leaving her far too many times.

"You're not eating." Lisa points out when she looks up and sees Jennie staring at her.

"Oh, sorry." She quickly snapped out of her train of thought. "I was zoning out."

"It's fine. You should eat though, it seemed like you didn't have a proper dinner last night." Lisa comments and goes back to eating breakfast.

"Lisa-yah..." Jennie calls out softly. Lisa looks up at her once again, she raises her eyebrows.

"Thank you. Again." Jennie tells her, wearing her heart on her sleeve.

"You don't have to keep saying that." Lisa says.

"But I feel like I need to. And I _want_ to." Jennie starts fumbling with her fingers, it's been a long time since she's been this vulnerable. "Because... you still do _this_." Jennie fumbles at her words as she gesticulates at the food, and Lisa tilts her head like a confused puppy. "You still care... about me. Despite everything."

And Lisa gives a small but assuring smile. "That was part of my deal."

Jennie might not understand what Lisa meant.

Lisa exhales, "you always had me, always been, but I was never sure if I had you." hearing Lisa say this feels like a thousand of wasps stung her.

"I'm not sure why I still do _this."_ Lisa shrugs. "But there's nothing rational about love, Jennie. Love is... just as it is." 

Then suddenly it explains everything.

Even after many heartbreaks she went through with Jennie, but once you cared for a person’s wellbeing, the feeling of anger could never surpass that feeling.

* * *

  
Jennie watches the way Lisa paints the unfinished painting she left yesterday the moment she barged in her apartment, her hand moved in such a soft and gentle way she thinks only artists are capable of.

"you know, I can feel your eyes burning holes in my back." Lisa softly chuckles, breaking the silence that never left them since last night.

Jennie snaps out of her trance, jumping a little bit once Lisa's voice echoed through her ears. "Sorry, I just got mesmerized at how you paint."

Lisa hums and continues painting.

"Lisa," Jennie hesitantly calls out.

The younger woman turns her head to look at Jennie. "Hm?"

"Do you still- uhm, dance?" Jennie doesn't get why she's nervous asking Lisa simple questions. She's irritated at herself for feeling all weird while Lisa seems so calm and composed. And it's ironic because she's the reason why they're like this, why there is this vast distance that still separates them even if they're standing in the same room.

She used to tell her everything.

"Somehow, you know? if I feel like it or if there's free time I can waste. Why?"

"I dunno, it's just... a few years had passed and I haven't got to see recent dance videos you used to post online." Jennie says.

"Oh, you still check up on me?" A soft lighthearted laugh escapes her lips.

"Of course, I do..." Jennie's somehow hurt that Lisa thinks she stopped existing in Jennie's world. "You're important to me... _always been."_

Lisa becomes quiet and continues painting, a part of her is afraid to look at Jennie. She doesn't want Jennie to see that she's still wearing her heart on her sleeve. She's done that many times and it always ends in heartbreak. She wants Jennie to see that she's mature and more developed, that she's not as gullible and naive anymore.

Jennie sighs sadly. "I always thought you'll never stop."

"That's what I used to think to."

Lisa's not sure if she's pertaining to the dance or something else.

* * *

The sixth day when Jennie wakes up she finds herself being the only person inside the apartment. she walks through the house to find any fragment of the younger girl.

She sees a note on the coffee table,

_Hey, if you wake up and found this letter it means I left early but don't worry I'll be back at like 3 in the afternoon or something. I just have to meet someone special._

_P.S. I made your favorite, just heat it up if you want : )_

Jennie feels her heart dropped in the pit of her stomach.

_Lisa might've found somebody already,_ she whispers, holding the note for dear life on her chest, near her heart.

She defeatedly plops down on the sofa and stares at the ceiling.

_She deserves it._ Jennie wants to, _needs_ to, think of it that way. After all, Lisa deserves the world.

* * *

  
Lisa arrives around 3:30 in the afternoon when Jennie was playing with Lisa's PlayStation, she was intrigued with the games that were neatly piled up beside the TV, and there was nothing she could do inside Lisa's apartment, and she didn't want to check her phone and see notifications of messages and missed calls from her friends, her ex-fiancé, and lastly her mom.

"Fucking hell!" Jennie whisper-shouts when her character, Lili from Tekken, was sent flying causing her defeat once again.

"You are totally bad at that." She hears Lisa laughing in the background.

A small smile spread on her face when Lisa finally got home.

"Everyone has to start from the bottom, Li." Jennie turns her head to face the girl. The nickname naturally rolled out of her tongue. And for the first time since she arrived, she didn't think too much about the line where she stands in this relationship with Lisa. The separation will never erase the fact that Lisa makes her feel at ease and carefree.

"Here, I'll show you how it's done." Lisa takes the controller out of Jennie's hand, a cocky smile plastered on her face.

"You're such a dick." Jennie playfully shoves the latter. Lisa just laughs at her and Jennie rolls her eyes, but she can't hold the growing smile on her face.

She stares as Lisa's finger pressed the X button and the deep voice of the narrator announces the start of the battle. She watches Lisa do all sorts of combos she hasn't seen and she's impressed at how good she is at the game. And it only takes a brief moment before Lisa finishes off her opponent.

Lisa shrugs boastfully, causing to light up the competitiveness that lives inside of Jennie. 

“C’mon, 1 versus 1, Li.” Jennie says, grabbing the other controller. 

“Oh, so you’re challenging the tekken god.” Lisa continues to be cocky, she knew Jennie hates it when people are so full of their own ego.

”shut up and let’s just play.” Jennie scoffs, already picking her character.

”alrighty then.” Lisa chuckles as she picks her main character, which is Lili.

Once they chose their own characters the game started and it was time for them to fight one another. Jennie started smashing the buttons, completely unaware of her character’s combos, while Lisa only hits specific buttons and handles her character’s combos really well. 

The fight was becoming good, Jennie’s doing a great job at handling her character despite not knowing the combos, she even defeated Lisa on round 2. Now, it’s the final round and both girls are absolutely showing no mercy. Lisa’s been doing all sorts of combos that could knockout Jennie’s character, while Jennie starts smashing the buttons more. But at the end Lisa won, finishing off Jennie’s character. 

"You got a lot of time in your hands to be that good." Jennie comments, grumpily setting down the controller.

“It's called talent, Ni." she playfully nudges Jennie and smirks. She missed riling up Jennie.

"It's called addiction." Jennie just rolls her eyes. Lisa laughs at the remark.

The younger girl puts down the controller and heaves out a sigh. "I missed having _this_ with you," Lisa says, feeling nostalgic all of a sudden. "You know, it wasn't always about the relationship we had..." there was a hollow pause and Jennie can feel her chest starting to constrict. "We were best friends first," Lisa smiles at the memory. "It was just _us,_ it was just Jennie and Lisa against all odds."

"Then... everything got complicated." Jennie notices how Lisa's eyes weren't glistening anymore. Maybe the pain that still lives inside of her wasn't that strong anymore and maybe Lisa became more resilient, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

"I..." Lisa's voice stammers. "I-I thought we wouldn't have anything like this anymore. We were too caught up in our own feelings we forgot what it was like to just be _us._ "

"You always wanted to get away from the world. And I understood that. So you leave and leave and leave, taking away the things that could resemble you, as if you were never here at all. But all I ever wanted was to be with you, but that seems impossible because you were never here, or there, or anywhere."

"I'm sorry..." Jennie whispers.

"But you're here now." Lisa finally looks at her. "And I wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

  
It was 1 in the morning and Jennie couldn't sleep.

She gets up from Lisa's bed and heads toward the kitchen. She notices the light is on and she hears the sound of water being poured. She leans on the doorframe as she watches Lisa make herself hot chocolate (she assumes, but she's sure of it. Lisa always drinks hot choco every time she couldn't sleep.)

"Couldn't sleep either?" Jennie asks. Lisa looks at the direction of her voice, and a small smile formed on her lips.

"Yeah..."

"What's keeping you up?" Jennie questions, walking toward the cupboards where the mugs are situated, she takes one and proceeds to make herself some hot chocolate, she sits on the kitchen counter right beside Lisa.

"Just...deadlines," Lisa replies weakly. Jennie knows, feels, that it's more than that.

"Lis, can we talk?"

"We're talking right now." Lisa sarcastically comments, a lopsided smile forms on her face.

Jennie chuckles and lightly nudges the latter with her leg.

It was quiet for a brief moment until Lisa spoke up.

"So, why'd you do it." Lisa says, it sounded more of a demand rather than a question.

"Hm?" Jennie hums.

"Why'd you cancel the wedding?"

"I can't have a family with him, Lisa." Jennie firmly answers, looking down at her mug.

"But you left me for him. I don't understand." Lisa didn't mean to sound bitter. The memory of seeing the ring on Jennie's finger, and seeing Jennie for what she thought was the last time left a burning taste on her tongue, something she never wanted to happen again.

"You deserved someone better." She hears Jennie mumble but dismisses it.

"I thought marrying him was the right thing for me to do. He's this kind and handsome model guy, an ideal type as people would say, and I'm Jennie Kim, Korea's _it_ girl, and marrying him was just the next step to do. And my fans, and friends, especially my mom loved him. That's why I said yes." Jennie explains.

Lisa notices she's gripping her mug a little too tight.

"And it was too late for me to realize that I've been listening to others for quite too long, that I've forgotten what my voice sounded like." Lisa hears the tremble in the latter's voice.

"I realized I don't want a kid, I didn't want that with _him_. No matter how hard I try I can never see a future with him. So I ran and ran until I ended up here."

"Running away is a Jennie thing to do," Lisa says before she can stop herself, chuckling half-heartedly.

"Yeah..." Jennie agrees but Lisa regrets saying that because Jennie's now uneasy.

"Are...you, like, gonna talk to them?" Lisa asks.

"Yeah, but not now, not _yet._ They wouldn't understand." Jennie answers and Lisa nods her head in reply.

Jennie hesitates but asks it anyway. "Can you, uhm, sleep beside me?"

Lisa can't even deny the fact that Jennie always had hers, so, before answering she takes Jennie's hand and pulls her in her bedroom. Lisa knows this is stupid but sometimes she doesn't really know when to stop.

"If this will make you feel better, then sure, I'll be here," Lisa says, making herself feel comfortable in her side of the bed.

_You're always there,_ Jennie wanted to say.

They lie in Lisa's bed wide awake, the hot choco wasn't helping them sleep.

Lisa barely stays awake at this hour, this time insomnia hits her once again, or maybe because Jennie was there.

"What's the place you're willing to go back to?" Lisa asks out of the blue.

"Why that question?" Jennie asks.

"Uhm..." Lisa prolongs, thinking of something logical to reply.

"I-I mean you like exploring places and new stuff. I just remembered the conversation we had on the phone almost three years ago, you told me that you've been into many places in that phase of your life. You told me you basically traveled the whole Europe, a lot of countries in Asia and you lived in the States for so long that it's impossible for you to not have a road trip or something." Lisa answers.

"And I've always wanted to ask you what was the place you loved the most and willing to go back to every time." Her head turns to look at Jennie's side, brows contorting in curiosity.

"Hm..." Jennie hums, thinking of an answer, her hand reaches out for Lisa's fingers and starts to mindlessly play with them.

"I think..." Jennie pauses and Lisa smiles at how pretty the older girl looks right now. Lisa thinks she's always been pretty, it shouldn't be a surprise anymore, but two years without seeing the older girl felt like a lifetime and seeing her this up close for the first time again was just as enthralling when she first saw her at 14.

"I think it's you."

And at this moment Lisa feels her breath hitch.

"huh?" Her words fumbles, she's somehow dumbfounded, trying to comprehend Jennie's word in her mind that the gears in her brain stopped working.

"I explored the world, and I do admit it was fun. But that doesn't mean I wasn't lost." Jennie says.

"Is that why you always come back here?" Lisa asks, scrutinizing Jennie's face. "Because you could only think of me when you're lost and got no one to turn to? Is that it?" She didn't mean to sound offended but she can't help but remember the times Jennie comes back just to leave her again.

Jennie gulps the guilt sitting on her tongue. There was a long hollow pause in the room before she gives away the answer to all of Lisa's questions.

"You're the only thing that felt like home." Jennie confesses.

Lisa was the only thing that keeps her from drifting away, from herself and from reality. The only thing that constantly pulls her back if she gets too unmoored from life or if she ever gets lost. She's always been a safe space to get back to every time it became hard. And Jennie does and always had regretted leaving her behind, she didn't mean to use her but it seemed like it, she did hurt Lisa quite a lot, broke her heart a little too much. And that's the reason why she leaves, because she knows and can't admit that she doesn't deserve Lisa even the tiniest bit, she doesn't deserve the only person that made her feel safe and sound.

She left her so she can find someone more better than her, but Lisa had always stayed.

And Jennie's forever in a conflict if she should be happy with that or not.

"You're the only one that pulls me back if things just get so disarrayed," Jennie tells her. "You've always been my safe space, Lisa."

"And I'm so sorry for coming back just to leave again." Jennie eventually breaks down and Lisa quickly engulfed her in a comforting hug, her hands circling on Jennie's back to calm her down. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." the hypocenter in Jennie's body starts to convulse.

"I want you to know that I forgive you," Lisa says. "Maybe a little too much."

* * *

  
The next morning Jennie wakes up determined to fix buried scars of the past.

"Lis, can you please contact Chaeng and Jisoo? I want to fix what happened between all of us." Jennie says. They're sitting on the sofa watching a reality tv show while they share the bucket of ice cream that's been sitting on Lisa's freezer far too long.

"Sure." Lisa replies hesitantly, she's not a hundred percent sure if Jennie's ready to face Jisoo and Chaeyoung after so many years without seeing and talking to each other. She takes her phone beside her and starts scrolling through her contacts.

"But before that, I want to fix _us."_

"I thought we're okay?" Lisa answers but there's doubt in her voice.

"No, we're not. We left a lot of things that are unspoken and ambiguous ." Jennie says. Lisa nods at that. 

"I admit..." Jennie pauses, exhaling a sigh that seemed like it weighed a ton. Her cat-like eyes stares at the floor, she's processing something Lisa can't decipher, then her gaze averts at the Thai. Jennie looks so vulnerable and feeble. She never saw Jennie like this, the older girl had always seemed strong and resilient, but she's also human too, someone who also feels insecurity and weakness. "I admit that I wasn't a good lover."

Lisa didn't reply. She hates to admit that Jennie was.

"And I-I admit that y-you deserved someone better... Someone better than _me."_ Tears are starting to prickle her eyes. "I don't even know if we ever had a song." Her lips are quivering. "I forgot the place where we had our first date." her voice is now trembling. "I even forgot the day we had our first kiss." And she sobs, letting out all the regrets that punched a void in her chest.

"I don't know if you have any idea how much you meant to me." Jennie tells her.

Lisa never really knew, though. Throughout the years, she felt like she was the only one out of the two of them who felt more, _loved_ more. when the break up happened Lisa always wondered if Jennie felt the same thing she had always felt.

"I don't even know if you really loved me." Lisa tells her, her voice as quiet as a whisper.

Jennie inhales deeply, trying to keep her lungs at bay even if there’s a storm coming. She looks up and looks at Lisa eye-to-eye. "There are too many uncertainties for me, Lis. I think you know that,"

Lisa nods. “Yeah... I know that very well.” She says evenly.

"But one thing's for sure. I did love you, I still do."

"You made me feel something beyond," Jennie admits, and Lisa is starting to get all the answers she ever questioned. "Jesus Christ, you made me feel that life is really worth living, and it really is. Cause I have you, _had_ you. And I hurt you too many times, left you too many times, took pieces of your heart too many times, and I know how much it killed you when I told you that I said yes to someone's proposal. And that was too selfish for me to do, an asshole thing for me to do, cause I knew you never stopped loving me."

"And maybe the reason I said yes to him is that I know you deserve someone else, someone that's not me. I wanted you to move on without you hoping that I'll be there behind your back. Because the feeling you made me feel, I knew I didn't deserve it after everything I have done." Lisa quickly pulls her in for an embrace, soothing the girl she loved dearly.

"Jennie, stop crying," Lisa whispers, rubbing circular patterns on her back hoping it would make her feel at ease. "Remember what I told you after your last farewell? I told you to be happy, right?"

"Jen, we did things that hurt people, after all, not everything is perfect in this world. But being happy is what we all deserve to have." Lisa swallows the growing lump in her throat. "who you were, who you are, and who you will be are three different people. And I'd probably still love you no matter what." 

"And I want to be happy with you." Lisa sincerely tells her.

"But you already have someone." Jennie counters, her sobs are slowly disappearing.

"What are you talking about?" Lisa's genuinely confused.

"Yesterday, you left a note saying you'll be meeting someone special," Jennie explains.

Lisa then laughs hysterically, Jennie contorts her eyebrows at the latter's reaction.

"Jen, I met with the director of the art exhibit I'll be having." Lisa's still laughing.

Jennie's mouth went agape. She feels really dumb right now. She just jumped into conclusions.

"I don't have anyone right now." Lisa tells her, she's more serious this time. "It's been a while since I had a date."

"Lisa-yah!" Jennie whines and tears are starting to prickle her eyes, her tears weren't caused by pain but embarrassment instead. "I cried and sulked for no reason!" Jennie shoves Lisa, and immediately turns her back at the younger girl, she can't look at her in the eyes just yet.

"Aw, Jen. C'mon." Lisa chuckles, wrapping her arm around the model's waist. "You look cute when you're embarrassed." Lisa cooes, nudging Jennie to look at her.

”I meant someone important not special.” Lisa chuckles lightly. “Okay, the fault’s on me. Wrong choice of words.” 

"Jen. Jennie. Nini." Lisa cutely calls out but Jennie is still not budging. "Nini, please?" And that was the last straw for Jennie to finally turn her head to look at her.

"I always wonder why it has to be you." Jennie pouts and starts to nuzzles Lisa's neck. "You're lucky I love you." She withdraws her head from Lisa's neck to look at her.

"I love you too."

This time, Lisa's certain Jennie means it.

* * *

  
Jennie stands in front of Jisoo's door. Heart thumping rapidly and her left hand holding Lisa's own tightly. She feels that her nerves would explode later.

"Jennie, relax. It's just Jisoo." Lisa tries to comfort the other girl.

Jennie thinks Lisa forgot that she and Jisoo both left things in a bad note and never talked anymore after that.

"Yeah, that's the problem... it's _Jisoo_." Jennie replies. "What about Chaeng?"

"She'll be here, don't worry," Lisa tells her.

The Thai finally knocks on Jisoo's door after standing in front of it for ten minutes straight, it took Jennie a while to compose herself.

The door opens revealing Jisoo's sister holding what seems like a two-year-old baby girl.

"You never told me Jisoo has another niece," Jennie whispers to Lisa.

"That's actually Jisoo's daughter." Lisa points out leaving Jennie dumbfounded.

"Hello," Lisa kindly greets the older woman and bows after.

"Hey, Lisa and Jennie. It's been a while. Come inside, Jisoo's in the kitchen preparing for something." The two girls nodded and makes their way inside the house. "Anyway, I'm actually leaving right now. But it's nice to see you two again. Especially you Jennie, I haven't seen you in years." The woman averts her gaze towards Jennie.

"It's nice to see you again too." Jennie bows her head and smiles at the woman.

"Jisoo! I'm leaving now, take care!" Jisoo's sister shouted and puts the child down. "Bye Jiwoo, you take care too, alright?" She kneels matching the baby's height and pecks her cheeks. She gave the two girls one last smile before exiting Jisoo's abode.

"Hey Jiwoo, I've missed you." Lisa carries the baby and kisses the child's chubby cheeks. The child smiles at the girl and starts poking her face causing Lisa to laugh.

Jennie watches the interaction and she feels her heart softening at the adorable sight.

Maybe this is what she wanted.

"You never told me Jisoo has a daughter." Jennie didn't forget the questions riling up in her head. "Who's the dad? And I thought Jisoo was single."

"There wasn't a dad." Lisa replies and that makes it even more confusing.

Lisa chuckles at Jennie's reaction. "Jisoo adopted baby Jiwoo. You see, Jisoo found baby Jiwoo crying on her porch last two years ago and she roamed around the neighborhood to ask if they knew the baby's parents but unfortunately they didn't, and they didn't want to take the child. So, Jisoo, being the sweetheart she is, adopted the baby and took care of her ever since." Lisa explains, and Jennie is still in shock.

Jennie analyzes the child in front of her and Jennie can't deny that she's beautiful, if she didn't know any better she would have honestly thought that Jiwoo came from Jisoo.

"Chaeng, Jisoo, and I have been taking care of her." Lisa shows the baby, emphasizing her point, making Jennie smile. "But it's mostly Chaeng and Jisoo, though."

"How come?"

"Well, I've been busy ever since I started working on the art exhibit and Chaeng's always here in Jisoo's house." Lisa answers. "I'm not gonna be surprised if they ended up with each other." Lisa shrugs nonchalantly. "I mean, ever since Jiwoo came the two became closer than before."

"Oh," Jennie chirps. Taking a lot of unexpected information in. She wished she was there to experience and see those scenes by herself, but after everything she had done maybe hearing it from Lisa was enough.

"Yo Lisa!" Jisoo comes out of the kitchen excitedly when she saw their maknae. She immediately tackles the girl in a big suffocating hug.

"I finally got to see you again. You've been so busy with that art exhibit yours that you missed most of our Saturday dinner." Jisoo's still hugging her.

"I'm sorry, Chu. But I'm here now, and I missed you and baby Jiwoo." Lisa says as she pulls away from that suffocating hug.

Jisoo takes her child and puts her down but she immediately held Jiwoo's hand after, to keep the child's balance and to avoid her from tripping.

"And, uh, Jennie's here." Lisa nervously says, her thumb pointing at the girl beside her.

Jisoo was too engrossed and excited to see Lisa to even have a glimpse of who she's with.

"Hi, Jisoo... it's been a long time." Jennie already feels like crying. Seeing Jisoo again after a lot of years passed makes her want to bawl. Every memory with the older girl starts to flash in her mind.

"Jennie..." Jisoo's voice falters. She can't believe Jennie is here. She thought she wouldn't be able to see her again.

Jennie holds out her hand for Jisoo to shake but instead, she was wrapped in a hug.

"You're finally here." Jisoo sighs happily.

Before Jennie could reciprocate the hug Jisoo pulls away and leads the two girls in the living room.

"What brings you two here?" Jisoo asks, offering her two former members a seat on the couch.

Lisa and Jennie look at each other, Jennie's eyes are asking for assurance. Lisa gave the other girl a comforting smile and a nod.

"I-" Jennie heaves out a sigh and Jisoo patiently waits for her.

Before Jennie could finish Jiwoo started tugging on her mom's sleeves and points at the marshmallow packs on the coffee table, which Jisoo gives immediately without a second thought.

"Chu, you're not supposed to immediately give her sweets." Lisa chuckles, she watches the child happily munch on the soft candy.

"Don't tell me how to raise my child." Jisoo sticks her tongue at the maknae.

"You _are_ a child." Lisa mocks and laughs.

"Don't you dare influence my child with that attitude of yours." Jisoo accusingly points at their maknae while hugging Jiwoo protectively.

Jennie watches the scene in front of her with a smile on her face. It seems like they're still the same Jisoo and Lisa after all those years.

"Jennie, please continue." Jisoo averts her gaze at the model.

"What I'm saying is-" Another interruption occurs again, this time the door opens revealing Chaeyoung holding a stuffed animal Jennie assumes for Jiwoo.

"Jiwoo! Jisoo!" Chaeyoung enthusiastically calls out but her mood changes when she saw one particular girl sitting on the couch.

Chaeyoung is in complete shock, making her unable to move. Jiwoo screams excitedly as she sees the woman who's currently glued to the floor.

"Mama!" The child shouts leaving Jisoo behind to run towards Chaeyoung.

"You traitor!" Jisoo calls out to her child.

As soon as Chaeyoung picks up the child and gives her the stuffed animal she slowly walked toward where everyone is.

"Hey, unnie. Long time no see." She gives a small smile before sitting beside Jisoo.

Jennie reciprocates the gesture.

"So, Jen. What brings you here?" Jisoo asks once again.

"I wanted to talk to you guys," Jennie says. "And I'm hoping I could still fix what happened between all of us."

Lisa holds her hand comfortingly to let her continue.

She looks up and sees Jisoo and Chaeyoung attentively listening.

Jennie heaves out a sigh she's been holding as long as she can remember.

"I'm sorry for leaving. Sorry for leaving the group and the three of you. Sorry for leaving bitter memories that lasted more than the happy ones we made." Jennie starts.

Jisoo and Chaeyoung weren't planning to say anything. They just wanted to hear Jennie's side of the story. They wanted to hear her, just _her. W_ ithout guilt-tripping her, and without mixing any sort of pressure. Jennie's side of the story had been hidden for a long time, it was time they find out about her overdue truth.

"I left because..." Jennie paused and composes herself.

"because I didn't want to be in the spotlight without the three of you." Jennie looks at Lisa for strength and the girl gives it to her.

"You're doing great." Lisa whispers, showing her a thumbs up.

"You see, he wanted all of us to sign another contract but he had a private meeting with me. He wanted to keep Blackpink but he also wanted me to go solo, he said that he'll focus more on my career but the group will still be intact but there's barely any comeback." She never wanted to go back to that conversation again. It felt like the greatest betrayal she ever heard.

"And I never wanted that, I wanted all of us together. We worked so hard for everything and I never wanted to take all of it, it has always been the four of us." Jennie swallows the lump in her throat.

"So, I decided to leave the group instead of taking everything and being unfair, I mean it'll still hurt in the end, but I'd rather choose to be selfless to you guys." The truth that Jennie had kept too long was already out of its cage. The anchor that's been weighing her down was finally lifted and she never felt lighter.

And before Jennie could process what happened, she was already engulfed in a hug by Jisoo and Chaeyoung. She finally got to feel their warmth after staying in the cold for so long. She reciprocates the tightness of the hug, her eyes are closed as she dwells in the moment.

She opens her eyes and sees Lisa watching the three of them with a smile on her face and glistening eyes. Their eyes met, they exchanged smiles and Lisa mouths her an "I love you." Which she replies with an "I love you too."

The past that used to haunt Jennie everywhere she goes starts to dwindle. After the emotional closure that happened in Jisoo's living room the four of them, and Jiwoo, were now settled in the dining room, eating and enjoying dinner. They talked about everything that they missed in each other's lives and are starting to catch up with each other.

First, they talked about Lisa's art exhibit. Second, Jisoo's actress and mother life. Then, Chaeyoung being a successful soloist and her upcoming album that she's currently working on. Lastly, they started catching up on Jennie's life being a successful international model.

Their conversation started lightly at first, all smiles and laughs, but eventually, Jennie had to open up about the cancellation of her wedding, to flying to Korea and ending up at Lisa's house, then their closure and the admitting of each other's feelings, then ending up at Jisoo's humble abode.

Jennie was mostly vulnerable in their conversations, she completely wore her heart on her sleeve, she's willing to let the walls that she built crumble on the ground and create a new bridge to start anew.

After more than 5 years, they were all together again, plus adding a new member in the family they built.

Jennie thinks that this is what _home_ feels like.

* * *

  
It's already been three weeks since she ended up in Lisa's doorstep, and about three weeks staying in her apartment. Jennie wouldn't mind spending her entire life with Lisa in this cozy apartment.

Lisa's fast asleep on her side of the bed, snoring peacefully and enjoying the trance she's in, until Jennie started nudging her and shouting and when Lisa didn't budge the latter started to get on top of her and shook her aggressively.

"Lisa-yah! Wake up!" Jennie shouts, smothering the younger girl with kisses.

"Ni, 5 more minutes." Lisa requests and starts pushing Jennie off of her.

"You idiot, the opening of your art exhibit is today." Jennie scolds her. Lisa's eyes shot wide open when she was reminded of her very important event.

Lisa immediately stands up and runs toward the bathroom. Jennie just shakes her head and shouts "Breakfast is ready by the way!" before she exits Lisa's-now _theirs-_ bedroom.

Jennie waits for the younger girl while she stays at the dining table, restraining herself from touching and eating the food as she patiently waits for Lisa. After 30 minutes of the waiting game, Lisa dashes hastily in the room, giving Jennie a quick kiss on the forehead first before taking a seat across from the latter.

"Ugh, I hate cramming," Lisa grumbles.

"You shouldn't have overslept," Jennie says and playfully shakes her head.

"Who was the one who asked me to stay late just to finish the new season of Black Mirror?" Lisa rhetorically asks, a teasing grin on her face.

Jennie rolls her eyes, "why'd you stay up late with me though?"

"Did I even had a choice? If I didn't stay up late with you and watch that damn series you'd be pouting all day and I don't want to see you sad." Lisa argues as she munches on her omelette.

Jennie didn't comment any further, she hides the growing toothy smile and blush on her face. Cheesy as it might sound Lisa really knew how to play with her heartstrings.

Lisa quickly finishes her breakfast and put the utensils she used in the sink, then Jennie follows.

"I'll wash the dishes," Lisa says.

"No, I'll do it." Jennie counters. "You're the one who's having an art exhibit and I won't let you do chores today."

"But-" Lisa was about to argue but she was cut off when Jennie glares at her and she got no choice but to submit. "Fine." She grumbles as she walks out of the kitchen to get ready.

When Jennie finished washing all the dishes she walks toward their bedroom to check up on Lisa and to also get ready.

She walks in at the younger girl who just got finished preparing herself.

"How do I look?" Lisa asks, gesturing at her figure.

"Amazing." Jennie smiles. "But there's one thing missing." Jennie holds up a finger, then she opens Lisa's closet and starts rummaging for something.

She holds up a black blazer, walking towards Lisa and puts it on for her. "Now you look perfect." Jennie smiles widely, staring at Lisa's eyes lovingly. Lisa's smile is as big as hers, she leans in for a sweet kiss which Jennie gladly gave.

"Just give me time to get ready and we'll get going." Lisa nods and takes a seat on the bed, she watches as Jennie become more beautiful while she puts her makeup on.

* * *

Before driving where the art exhibit is located they went to Jisoo's first to fetch Jisoo, Jiwoo, and Chaeyoung.

"I'm so proud of our Lisa," Jisoo states, giving Lisa a pat on her shoulder. The maknae smiles as she watches the oldest from the rearview mirror. "I can still remember her graduating from college." Jisoo dramatically wipes her eyes.

"Jiwoo, your eomma is being dramatic," Lisa calls out for the youngest member of the family.

"Eomma, stop." Jiwoo comments as she fiddles with Chaeyoung's phone.

A cacophony of laughs emerged inside the car.

Jisoo glares at her daughter, "you're supposed to be in my side." She huffs and crosses her arms.

The child only sticks her tongue and leans into Chaeyoung more.

"You're such a traitor." Jisoo tells her daughter and huffs. Jiwoo just sat there as she leans into Chaeyoung's embrace, completely unbothered by her mother's rant.

The scene between the mother and daughter caused another cacophony of laughter inside Lisa's car.

"This is what I'm here for." Jennie whispers for only Lisa to hear.

"Glad you're here to see all of this." Lisa smiles back.

* * *

  
Once the art exhibit opened a lot of people immediately filled up the gallery which surprised the artist who was watching the scene unfold.

"I can't believe this is happening." Lisa whispers to herself but Jennie heard it.

"You've worked so hard. You deserve this." Jennie tells her, leaning on the younger girl more.

"You know," Lisa begins, she starts walking around the venue with Jennie clinging on her. "This feels like that time where we first debuted. I kind of forgot that feeling of excitement and pride that just seeps through you."

Jennie hums, "it was quite a long time." The memory of them being in a group felt like long-forgotten dreams, buried in the past and never got to be dug up again.

She feels Lisa's grip getting a little bit tight as the girl holds her hand. "Hey, you're squeezing my hand." Jennie chuckles.

"Oh, sorry," Lisa apologizes. "when we hold hands, I often hold on a little too tight, and I'm sorry. I'm just afraid I'd lose you again." She tells her.

Jennie had turn her back and left too many times, taking a piece of Lisa's heart at every departure, Lisa can't bear one more.

"Not anymore." Jennie assures her. Lisa smiles at that.

"Look," Lisa nudges her while she points at Jisoo and Chaeyoung who are holding both of the child's hand, Jiwoo's left hand is interlaced with Jisoo while the other is interlaced with Chaeyoung's. The three of them are happily strolling around the gallery.

"They're so cute." Jennie comments, a dreamy smile on her face. "I want something like that some day."

"Don't worry, we'll get there." Lisa assures her and plants a kiss on the crown of her head.

Jennie could never be more happier hearing Lisa say that.

"Lis," Jennie softly calls out.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

Lisa, "For what?" 

Jennie, "Thank you, for letting me catch up." 


End file.
